Incredibly goofy that my first actually entry is just me venting and rambling but I really dont feel like taking out a notebook at the moment so here am I. Im so incredibly glad that summer is around the corner but im not.
Despite school being terrible, it was a distraction. My OCD is getting bad again and I need things to keep my mind off it so Ive been coding more. Ive been torn about drinking and smoking again, it was bad and made me feel gulity but it made my brain quiet and just let me relax.
God its not even like thats much of option considering schools ending and I wouldnt be able to get my hands on that sort of thing anyway.
When school starts ill probably forget to eat, school was also a reminder, to take care of myself and get up in the morning and eat food everyday
Ive been online for so long and been using it coping but its become as terrible as the real world is sometimes.

I get too tired to get up and go out, my health is getting worse and sitting in my bed isnt helping but I dont know. Im scared. I dont want to die like this. I dont want to die scared and uncertain. I dont want to be sick anymore.
Im trying to get better, I took medication, I did what i was supposed to and yet im still like this. I wanna be like other kids, I want to be unaware and happy but I know that I never will.