I feel like life has become a waiting game. Ive started feeling sick again

Allot of people say that its so lucky I cant gain weight. Which in a society that treats larger people so shitty I understand why. And maybe im selfish for complaining. I like being able to eat what I want without worrying, not having to stress about calories and meals everyday.
But I hate being so tired all the time.
I hate being so frail and weak
I hate feeling sick

Doesnt matter how many meals I forget to eat, or how much food I binge myself on. It doesnt change.
I hate how my body looks

Honestly most of it isnt even about my weight. Its about how I feel.
I think that maybe if I gain a few pounds I wont look as sickly. I wont be as tired.

There are kids that starve themselves to try and look like me.
And yet im the one crying
I cant help but feel like im being ungreatful